my notes.

what life has taught me.

Dear God.

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God, I’m so grateful for everything I have in my life.
My family, great job, good friends, well, I have everything that I think people wants in their lives as well.

But I don’t know what happen to me now. I’m at my lowest level again. Is it because the unbalance life that I have, between my work and personal life or else? I just don’t know.

I’m so tired of crying, God. Even I promised to myself that I won’t let my tears to fall down on my cheeks anymore. Nothing will make me cry again, not a single thing. But I did it over and over again.

I don’t know what kind of life I have now. I love my job, I really do. But I think I lose it, I lose my passion in doing it. I don’t know whether I can stay in this road anymore. It breaks my heart for realizing that everything has changed.

God, what should I do? I tried to stay in the same path, but somehow I still can’t see the result. I keep doing the best I could, but apparently it’s a damn hard thing to do now. I can’t see myself working for others, though it’s still in the same path.

Then, I still can’t stop thinking about why I should experienced bad things again. Don’t you see that I had already bad experience before? Don’t you think it’s enough for me? I don’t understand. Did I do something awful so I have to experience this again? As I recall, I always try to do the good things to others, but how come this happen to me? I felt so stupid for having this again. I can’t believe it. What is my fault? Please tell me, God, so I don’t have to experience this anymore.

I’m tired, God. Don’t you think I deserve to be happy like anybody else? I know everything happens for a reason, it just I can’t see it now. Feels everything’s falling apart, and I don’t have enough strength.

Kunt U help mij, God? I need You.



Author: bettsi

I am who I am for a reason.

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