my notes.

what life has taught me.

So blessed. 

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Once, when I discussed about life with someone, he told me that I’m not lucky, but so blessed. 

And he’s right. 

Go raibh mait agat 🙏

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If you’re in a relationship, so what? 

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So there’s one day, when a friend of mine, a man, was contacted me and we talked about many things. And since he has just got married, I congratulated him. We had a fine normal conversation.

Then he started to tease me for being single. At first, I was still okay with it and even we discussed it. And apparently, it’s getting annoying. He discussed about our conversations with his wife, and his wife started to interfere it. Oh well, they’re becoming a pain in the ass. #sorry for my bad language

And now, it happened again. It turns out to be my sister. We’re talking about our cousin who has a boy friend now. And the way she talked about it, it’s like another pain in the ass for me (since she’s already a boy friend).#ooopppssss

Let’s put it this way.

So you are married or you have a boy or a girl friend or whatever. Then what?

It seems that if you’re in a relationship, you are better than me? Better than all singles in this world?

Hellooooo. How come you think that way? Being in a relationship doesn’t make you better than me. No.

Your status has changed, but you’re still you. It doesn’t change who you are in the beginning. Just because I’m less fortunate than you for not having that special person yet, it doesn’t mean you’re in top of me. No, you’re not.

You ever been a single before, and it might happens to you again. So stop for being a pain in the ass. 

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Questioning my prayers

Since I was a little girl, my parents always tell me to bring all our needs in prayers. In most of times, I can see its power.

But then, for me, there’s a time, when I feel that my life’s miserable. It is simply because things that I pray for, it doesn’t happen like I want it to be.

It feels like my world turns upside-down. And I just wonder, “Where are you, God? You said that I can ask anything in prayers, but You didn’t make it comes true.”

So I keep crying, till my eyes are getting big like a fish. Haha.

Anyway, then I started to question my prayers. What’s the use of it? Should I continue my prayers? Or just let everything happens as it is?

#me, wondering about prayers, during my tour of duty

What went wrong?

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Actually I always ask this question to myself when I couldn’t find any answers for what happen in my life. 

Until 2 months ago, when my hairstylist found out that I’m still single at this age, she asked me that. What went wrong? Haha. I dunno. You tell me. Rofl.  

Then, when I was in Zurich, there’s a guy who asked me whether I’m married or not, and I told him that I’m still single. He suddenly asked, “Why?” I couldn’t help myself, but laughed. I just said, “I dunno. Perhaps nobody likes me.” 

Then that question came again. What went wrong? Haha.

And last Tuesday, I met a friend. He told me that his wife, who’s eventually my friend as well, wants to divorce him. At this time, I was the one who asked him, “Why? What went wrong?”

See!?  Do you get what I mean? That ‘what-went-wrong’ question will always comes up every time we are curious about our lives or other people’s lives, though we know that there’s no answers for it.   

To the couples who are still not having children after so many years of marriage. To the parents whom their sons or daughters are alcohol or drugs addict. And many more.

I have no problem with that question. But how about other people? 

We just say it without thinking whether it will hurt their feelings or not. It will be spoken out from our lips directly.

Well, I guess it’s a lesson for me, for you, for us. People has their own battles, and if we can’t help them to solve it, we better not say that ‘what-went-wrong’ question to them.

Just show our empathy, and don’t ask them with that silly question.

What went wrong? Errr, not again 😂

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Heavy

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Heavy by LINKIN PARK feat. Kiiara

Lyrics:
I don’t like my mind right now
Stacking up problems that are so unnecessary
Wish that I could slow things down
I wanna let go but there’s comfort in the panic
And I drive myself crazy
Thinking everything’s about me
Yeah I drive myself crazy
Cause I can’t escape the gravity

I’m holding on
Why is everything so heavy
Holding on
To so much more than I can carry
I keep dragging around what’s bringing me down
If I just let go, I’d be set free
Holding on
Why is everything so heavy

You say that I’m paranoid
But I’m pretty sure the world is out to get me
It’s not like I make the choice
To let my mind stay so fucking messy
I know I’m not the center of the universe
But you keep spinning round me just the same
I know I’m not the center of the universe
But you keep spinning round me just the same

I’m holding on
Why is everything so heavy
Holding on
To so much more than I can carry
I keep dragging around what’s bringing me down
If I just let go, I’d be set free
Holding on
Why is everything so heavy

I know I’m not the center of the universe
But you keep spinning round me just the same
I know I’m not the center of the universe
But you keep spinning round me just the same
And I drive myself crazy
Thinking everything’s about me

I’m holding on
Why is everything so heavy
Holding on
To so much more than I can carry
I keep dragging around what’s bringing me down
If I just let go, I’d be set free
Holding on
Why is everything so heavy


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Sad is… 

Sad is when the reality doesn’t happen like what you’ve been praying for all this time. 

Sad is when your prayer, your faith, and what you believe seem so meaningless. 

Sad is when someone you long for, doesn’t have the same feeling like you. 

Sad is when you think you have already something in your hand, but it’s not yours. 

Sad is when you’re happy talking with someone special, and then he is telling you something that breaks your heart.

Sad is when you think you’re almost get your dreams, but you are not. 

Sad is when you hear the truth, which is not exactly what you want to hear.


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Finding you.

I remembered that day, when you sent me this song. I like it! It seems that the song is representing our feelings. Two persons were acquainted, by an application thru cellphone. And somehow, we tried to find each other since that day. I have this wish, that I can meet you in person. I don’t know when, but I want to meet you.

Now, I have a chance to meet you. But it seems you can’t make it, to meet me. Well, perhaps you don’t want to meet me, or this is a bad time for me to meet you, or else. That’s OK.

I guess it’s time for me to forget everything. Forget about my wish. Forget about my feeling. And forget about you. But I will keep this song for me. Maybe, someday, I will find another you.